So I woke up this morning feeling different. Not different in a bad way, just different. I was talking to Shiny and we were discussing how things happen to me. I've noticed this fact all my life, but the truth is I have no choice but to deal with it. I don't have many friends and for good reason. The more people I call friends the more drama it brings for me. Honestly im kind of an old soul. I love to have fun, but this lifestyle people my age live, I just have no desire to live my life that that. People don't believe me but, i don't need to party, I really go out once every few months. I have fun but im a little more chills.

Its nice to know that you still there for me when i need someone. You get points for that every time. So um today was an ok day. I worked, and now im like super bored. I made a promise to myself and i'm gonna stick to it, lord knows this will be hard, lol a beast has been unleashed. So we will see how it goes.

rolling stone

It gets easier and easier everyday. I rarely even think to make contact. I know at some point in time i will be able to just talk to you and it be normal but that time just isn't now. So i will continue to keep my distance. School will start soon and i'll be pretty loaded as far as my schedule. I won't have time to think about it. My goal over the next few months is to expand... meet new people and expose myself to more good things in life. I'm not much of a dater, so im not pressed about that. We will see what comes my way. I'm working on bettering myself right now, hopefully i'll have my car soon. Oh well, that's enough for tonight.

Always Love,

If i miss anything at all I miss the affection. I miss knowing somebody loved me. I miss the hugs, and the kisses. How he kissed me on the forehead, when i would lay on his chest at the movies. I miss the convo's we had, and i miss knowing he was mine. Now all these things i miss are just memories that belong in the past. I messed around and caught feelings, and now im caught up. I guess what sucks the most is that you just keeping it movin. Im tryna get to that point.

Move along

I had to get a grip, everything happens for a reason. I was desperately holding on to false hope. That's not my character but love can make you do some crazy things. Life is full of obstacles, if it were easy so many people wouldn't struggle. It took me a while to find myself again, buried alive and hardly breathing under the hurt and loneliness. It took some time but I found what i was looking for. Your kisses used to make me melt, and now I feel nothing. Your touch once made me shiver, and yet again there's nothing. I know nothing more than memories. I keep hopes that the love we shared will once blossom again locked away in a small box. Love is never lost, it is just hidden. When it is again deserved...I won't have to produce a key, he will be the key to my heart. Until then I will love myself. I learn from every experience

Through the Wire

This is so hard because when i let someone in i give them my all. This is so hard because im dealing with so much alongside it. This is so hard because it came so suddenly. This is so hard because it wasn't supposed to happen. This is so hard because it feels like karma. This is so hard because I have to deal with my hurt knowing that when a heart breaks it don't break even. This is so hard because im still in love. This is so hard because despite how much i want to i can't be upset. This is so hard because i completely understand why it needed to happen. This is so hard because i know i'll wait. This is so hard because your return is not guaranteed, i can only hope. This is so hard because right now i don't even feel like myself. This is so hard because everyone around me knows that my current behavior is out of character. This is so hard because most days i can't even get out of bed. This is so hard because the only time i leave my room is for work. This is so hard because when you love someone its hard to let go. This is so hard because now i dont know when its ok to call, and if you even wanna talk, if im talking too much, or too long. This is so hard because i feel like your ok now. This is so hard because... in order to get something, you have to go through something. Everything in me keeps telling me that this is worth it and im willing to go right down to the wire, and even through the fire.

a woman's best attribute and most fatal flaw

self doubt

I'm smart, but i know people who are smarter. I'm cute but ive seen prettier. Im funny but Im no comedian. I''d like to think to think im a leader but you aren't subject to follow. Truth is im only a little above average. From the outside looking in not much separates me from the crowd. I don't always feel like im good enough, as a matter of fact i rarely feel like im good enough, especially when it comes to academics. I have confidence in myself as person, as a young woman, but as a student im at square one, desperately attempting to build a strong foundation. i want so much out of life, and i know what it takes and what is required of me, but im so afraid of failing that i only hinder myself emotionally. However, i never let the fact that im insecure stop me from achieving, it drives me to do better. From the outside looking in I may appear average, but this average woman will do extraordinary things in the near future, and thats all i require of myself.