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I have so much to learn, this I know. Im just so stubborn that Im not nearly as receptive as I should be. Its ironic because I love to learn, and i want to desperately, but when the method isn't right its a hard pill for me to swallow. Sometimes i wish i would have had more time to enjoy being a child. Sure i missed out on most of it because of the responsibilities given to me, level maturity i was expected to have, but i missed some because of my desire to be grown. I always wanted more, because of this I matured was quicker than i should have. As a result, everyone assumed i was older than i was. i always made friends with older people. Truth be told, i was never ready for the things they were into, but ive always been a quick learner.

Idk, now i just want the best for myself and its not about the fun, or the glam, or the recognition. For the first time, this is really about me. Im so good at making other people happy, i tend to make my happiness one of the lesser priorities. Truth is, i play roles well. I build walls. I put on. I let you see what im comfortable letting you see. i trust few people, but im very trustable. this sounds bad but, i feel like ive always felt like i had to protect myself ( who else gonna do it). Buy ive outgrown that phase in my life. That was a cop out.

The ironic thing about Really growing up is that you learn to take some risks and granted... the fear is there strong and vivid as ever but you don't care. It's not enough to hold you back anymore. Im getting closer and closer to that mind frame everyday, and im nothing but happy with the decisions ive made and the people ive chose to open my heart to. i guess this is what life is all about, growing...evolving, essentially becoming the person you were put on this earth to be. I honestly believe we all have purpose. I think i know where im should to start. i really feel like im on the right track. I needed a little balance. I feel like i have that now. Ive finally gotten to the point where i can be open. i really feel like im Shamriel now. Granted, im learning new things about myself everyday, but im taking it all in one day at a time.